apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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