Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
