A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
