took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
