So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
