the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
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i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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