i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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