hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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