y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
