My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
