Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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