If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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