I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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