Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
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He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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