I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
