There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
