I wish my penis had an off switch
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Girls should come with a carfax report
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
