ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
