im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
