i think my mom watched the whole time
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
