remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
