What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
