just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
