The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
