yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
