I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
