you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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