We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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