I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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