I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
