I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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