Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
