Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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