I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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