u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
