In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
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its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
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I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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