I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
someone owes me an orgasm
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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