i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
