I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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