i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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