i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
