Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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