The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
