I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
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I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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