I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
