So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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