you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
