if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
