im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
