do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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