I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
