At least make sure they are 18
Why
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
