He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
