I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
