Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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