hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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