I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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