I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
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Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
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i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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