Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
