my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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