This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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