I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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