He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
