That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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