my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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