You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
