Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
