that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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