Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
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Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
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I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
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