Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
