I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
