the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
