i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
This house was built for laser tag.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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