Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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