I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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